Pablower lang pag may time hihi #happykiddo :)
The kind of girl you never thought she is.
i. She is the girl who always hides her face. She wants to be invisible from anyone. She wants to hide her face from everyone around her because she believes that she is not worthy to be seen. She believes that she is ugly. She hates seeing the girl who is staring back at her whenever she looks at the mirror. She hates the way her dull eyes look like and the way she has freckles all over her cheeks. She hates the way she has frizzy hair. She hates the way she is not “pretty” enough to be looked at. She hates her face. She feels so miserable everyday because there is nothing she could do by the way she looks. She go around seeing girls who are so much better than her. She go around wishing she looks better. She could live day by day trying to convince herself that she is beautiful and that physical appearance doesn’t matter but every time she looks at herself, all she ever wanted to do is to hide her face. She is ugly. She doesn’t want to be seen so she thinks it is better off to hide her face than have it seen for everyone just to judge her.
ii. She is the girl who always falls apart. She is not too strong just like what everyone thinks she is. She is not Superwoman, the one who has a red cape and the one with super powers that she could use to go against everything that is fighting with her. She is not titanium. She is not a bulletproof for all the bullets that were shot to her dug deep into her body. She could not keep herself intact. Her heart is also a fragile piece that was continuously breaking every single day of her life. There are days that she could no longer think straight for all that is on her mind is how messed up her life is. There are moments when all she ever wanted to do is fall apart. She wants to watch all her pieces as they stumble down to the floor. She wants to turn into the pieces so bad because she just can’t pretend that she could be strong enough to hold herself together anymore. She is not like that. Well, not always anyway. She always falls apart and all she ever wanted to do is have someone who could help her to assemble herself after she did because she is so tired of getting all her pieces back together every time.
iii. She is the girl who always locks herself inside her room. Some people call her antisocial. Others call her freak or weird. There are some who believes that she is strange or troubled. The truth? She is just afraid to be hurt by everyone in the outside world. Her room is her paradise. It is the only place where she could be herself. She could fall apart there, she could dream big there, she could do everything she wants there, yet, she could never be judged just because she is alone. She used to spend most of her time outside her room but then a lot of people just judged her. A lot of people just hurt her and most of them broke her heart. She’s just tired of being in that kind of scene. That is why she’d rather lock herself inside her room. She’d rather pretend that she is alone in this world for it is better than having all those people around her just to hurt her. She’s had enough of that.
iv. She is the girl who always cries herself to sleep. Every night, her world is falling apart into tiny pieces. Every night, all that she could ever see are the things that should have been and the ones that will never be. Every night, her emotions are pouring over all those things that she lost and the people who left her. Every night, she is falling apart. She hates being alone in her room at night because the quietness of the world bring her nothing but deep melancholy. She becomes nostalgic about the things in the past. She couldn’t help but be sad all at once about all those things that she could not do anything about anymore. She always cries herself to sleep for crying is the only thing that could actually make her sleepy. Her thoughts are too loud. Her feelings are banging against her chest. She could not even close her eyes anymore unless the tears that comes from them force her to do so. And so she will cry and cry and cry until she falls into deep slumber because this is the only way to end this melancholic night of hers and this is the only way for her to forget everything as soon as she wakes up.
v. She is the girl who always chooses to be alone. She is always the weird friend. The one who stays in the corner while everyone’s having a good time. She is the introvert. The one who’d rather be with herself than anyone that could hurt her. She has built fences around her so that no one would dare to cross and be close enough to cause her too much pain, again. She had enough of broken hearts and open wounds. She had enough of promises that were never made and people who would create a mark on her life only to leave her alone. She had enough of words that were never turned into action and dreams that were never turned into reality. That is why she’d rather be alone. She’d rather do all the things by herself because other people has done nothing but hurt and disappoint her. She’d rather be alone because it is better than being hurt for the nth time. At least when she is alone, she has no one to blame but herself.
vi. She is the girl who always wants to leave soon. Her suicidal thoughts are always present in her mind. She always thinks of ways to escape this bitter world and harsh realities. She would like to go.. soon. Yet, she could not actually do something that would kill herself. In fact, she hates hurting herself. All of the things that she ever want to happen are just inside her head. She wants to leave soon but she could not do anything about it because she’s still afraid of the consequences of her actions. She wants to leave soon but all she ever wanted is to have someone who would make her feel that it is worth staying. It is always worth to stay in this world no matter how chaotic this may be. It is always worth living because leaving should never be the solution.I’m sorry I’m so hard to understand.
Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you